I Wonder If You Always Tell The Truth

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The Midnight Haze

Red
The colour of my eyes
Raw
Sore
From endless goodbyes
Red
The colour of my heart
For you
Still beating
Not easily defeated
You said you left for the better
Do you remember the letter
I wrote?
Look close
You can see the tears
Staining the pages
Are they still visible?
Or faded with the ages?
How long
Have I been running?
When
Did I become so blind?
Each time
I see the beauty so stunning
I cry
Knowing that I'll never find
Her
The only solution to
And singular cause of
My endless search
On the trail of love
People on the roadside
Wave as I pass
No stopping for leisure
No time for pleasure
Check the engine
Fill up the gas
Stuck fast facing forward
Dead
Ahead
Fixed on the horizon
A glimmer of hope in the distance
I must keep my eyes on
Missing the view
The sky stretches for miles
White on blue
The clouds
All smiles
Hiding you
Night
Will fall soon
A sphere
Of antique white
Dust-covered moon
Flashing
Between the passing
Clouds
Mischievously
Peeking
Through stratospheric shrouds
Admiring the fullness
A shining glory
Restricted
An essence of dullness
The story
Of my life
Removed the knife
Dusted for prints
I knew it was you
I'd taken the hints
If you've read this scrawling
You will know
(At your calling)
I'd come back
Crawling
I'd beg on my knees
To once again
Own the keys
Unlock your heart
Your mind
Your soul
Only half the man
I used to be
I need
You
To be whole
Questions unasked
Sweeten the past
I cast
My lots
A roll of the dice
Determines my path
I found an old camera
One picture free
The only thing
You haven't taken of me
Stole my heart
Used my body and mind
I never saw you as
The devious kind
You crept in so secret
Actions deceitful
Do I need to repeat all
You said when I fell?
Wrapped me around your finger till
You'd had your fill
Yet I love you still
Always will
So many questions
So many queries
So many fears
So many phases
I might need some guidance
Help from above
Why is it easier to fall in
Than out of love?
Like a thief on the run
I sit silently
In this dark room
Looking for answers
Impatiently
In the face of the moon
I'm studying the films
The reels and reams
I'm molding my future
Plasticine Dreams
Land of lost souls
Beyond skin and bone
Wandered
Aimlessly through the crowds
Never felt so alone
Sprawling metropolis of strangers
Home of the lonely
Hopefully only
Temporary residence
Until I overcome
The distance
Dividing our existence
And my thoughts
Of you
All in the past tense
I'm still walking
This road to nowhere
Should I give up now?
Are you even out there?
More questions than answers
Mercury dances
My shadow advances
Midday sun beats
Down
Blistering heat
Fiery crown
Fantastic sight
Rises above the valley
I re-run the highlights
Sitting broken in some
Random backstreet alley
Slept under bridges
With the old moonshiners
What they don't drink
Goes in
Their arms
Living out their time
No reason or rhyme
Weathered features
Black, rusty palms
And me
Still on your trail
Studying the choices
Ignoring the voices
That tell me I was bound
To fail
But I'm still on the run
A personal jail
Lost in the echoes
Of my mind
Cavernous
Lions are scouring
Ravenous
Waiting to pounce
To feed
On the slightest ounce
Of doubt
I need some consolation
Now
Like Adam and Eve
Before they succumbed
To temptation
I'm searching vainly for you
Lost
On this fruitless expedition
Trapped
In a whirlwind of distractions
Mind games
And unnecessary reactions
Extraordinary measures
In seek of
Life-affirming pleasures
The lengths
I stretched
To reach the treasure
Now caught
In chains
Of my own human weakness
In need of
Redemption
Set me free from
Contention
Surrounded in the silence
Voices
Currents
Of conversation charging
Electric Inspiration
Playing
Cemented my will
A desire instilled
Living
An almost invisible existence
Heartache
And highlights
Of each new missed-take
An inescapable desperation
Instincts
Leading me blind
Despite attempts
I make to find
Some minor vindication
A subtle indication
To replace the constant
Lost
In wild, unsteady
Concentration
Naked to the world
Living in isolation
Inadvertently self-imposed
Anger-induced
Unrealistic solutions supposed
Memories seduced
Captured by you
Stolen
In the instant of
Recognition
Staring
Blank at the canvas
Where once stood
The vision
Her
No more do I see you
Robbed me blind
My feelings for you
Still strong
In my mind
Apologies
Numerous notes and letters
Written
Under aliases
On personal stationery
No need to re-read
Or repeat eternally
Message received
Almost subliminally
I'm composing
An everlasting love
A candle
To burn
Through endless lifetimes
The final ingredient
For the table of contents
The unfaltering knowledge
That you'll be mine
Caught
In an endless daze
Junky
Drunk on
The Midnight Haze
Searching for ways
To escape
Change the form and shape
Of the deathly maze
This game
Of hide and seek
I'm counting
Without a peek
Waiting for you to speak
To follow you
The sound of your voice
Like I used to do
Before you made your choice
When you bought the ticket
I thought
(My mind derelict)
You'd be returning
I fought the yearning
To follow
I should've known
Better
Than to trust myself
These instincts, wayward
Paying the price
Of this naivetÚ
Still looking forward
Searching for the man
Somewhere hiding
Deep inside of me
I have abstained
From love
And laughter
Replaced by tears
On which my fears
Still flowing
Do they have to?
To awake one morning
Not feel the puddle
Beneath my cheek
Rather
Her sleeping breath
Passing through my hair
Leaves me weak
A sign she's there
To hear
Her
Almost foreign to my ears
Now veiled
In shades
Of a sad, spinning sunset
A fiery wheel
Of fortune
Place your bet
Count your winnings
Or your blessings
Staring
Through squinted eyes
Trying to make out
The picture
In the distance
Don't want to be
Surprised
Searching my thoughts
A point of reference
Always showing a preference
To these memories of you
It was then
That I knew
What stood, up ahead
My immediate future
Rolling into view
The slightest
Hint of you
Sets me reeling
Ignites
Brings with it that feeling
Burning in my soul
My goal
In sight
Will tonight be the time
My place
At the head of the line
When it opens
I'll be first
Through the door to your heart
So many times I've starved
Died
Of thirst
Since we drifted apart
I found
An old scrap of paper
In your handwriting
A number
I never used it
Afraid I'd wake you
From a peaceful slumber
The privilege
Too scared I'd abuse it
Torn in two
Should I pick up the phone
I opposed my needs
With regrettable ease
Told myself you wouldn't be home
I knew a man
Lived on the edge of town
Deep-set eyes
Coloured chrome brown
Though showing
His growing
Years
They are as yet
Untouched
By tears
Has he never known
Or lost
True love?
Has he ever closed his eyes
And seen the visions of beauty
Sent from above?
You
My angel
Flying close to the ground
On the wall
I see handprints
Marking
Your point of landing
Always happens
When I'm not around
You told me
"I love you"
I took it the wrong way
But it kindled
A fire
Burns to this day
The confusion you caused
When you left
That day
That way
Has set a new standard
I can't even separate
The questions I've asked
From the ones
I want
Answered
Unexpected disclosure
Of your wandering ways
Sudden exposure
To tear-filled days
And nights
Lonely
If only
I could get you in my sights
I promise you
My aim would be true
I honestly think
You wouldn't want to leave
I could make you believe
Once again
In love
Twilight Whispers
Echo
Through the midnight
Late-night melodies
And dances
In the moonlight
Memories
Of a long-lost childhood
Burn so bright
Of lemonade stalls
And sandbox scrawls
Everything seemed
So black and white
Those times are gone
Out of sight
Unvisited
Unmarked
Burial site
Disappeared overnight
Like most things in life
Gone in a flash
To never come back
Never return
Ashes of youth
Solid gold urn
An heirloom of the ages
Passed down
Inscribed
Wise words from the sages
I never read them
Didn't take notice
I thought you were joking
When you said there are places
Spaces
Out of time
I'm still searching for mine
Did I miss a turn?
Not see a sign?
Forces of nature combine
Rainbow ties
The skies
A picture of divinity
Stretching to infinity
Across the sunlight
Mysterious entity
Thin summertime clouds
Veil the days
Clouds turn cream
Reflected rays
Barefoot child plays
Innocent
Sound of silence pervades
Dissonant
Permanent
Through the decades
Evident
The onset of decay
In our minds
We replay
Time we spent
Intent
On recovering
A youthful content
Represents
A time of happiness
Days filled with laughter
Storybook lives
Happy ever after
The only things I need
Are the only things
I'm missing
The touch of your love
The dazzling taste
Of your kisses
Gazing now
Into the Bright Midnight
A flickering network
Of blinking streetlights
Fluorescent Heaven
Shimmering
Under a desolate
Moonlight
Night
Turns to day
Shadows appear
I glanced
At the mirror
Closed my eyes
Felt her
Near
Reflections of you
Thrust into view
Picture painted
Desires re-acquainted
Searching
For evidence in
My tendency
To overreact and overstate
Either overlook or
Over compensate
Frequent mistakes
Make
The honesty seems fake
Everything hidden
Wrapped up in mystery
We stand alone
Bound by our history
Meaningless since
You dismissed me with
Nonchalant
Wave of your hand
Arrogant
Yet grand
Found myself
In no-man's land
A world without colour
Covered
In shades of grey
Colour of indecision
Head-on collision
Of black and white
Creates a division
Cracks open the night
I'm making provisions
Taking a trip
Caught between right
And wrong
Gone too long
For me to recall your habits
A sense of jealousy
Threatening
To disrupt this serenity
I saw it
And stabbed it
In the back
Before it could attack and deface
Can't let these moments disappear
Without a trace
How could I be so na´ve
To think I could share
The air
You breathe